It's beginning to look a lot like ‘Murica
As autumn turns into winter, Thanksgiving gives way to Christmas and warmer climes call, my time in the Pacific Northwest comes to a close, as it inevitably always would. But not before getting to experience a veritable cornucopia of American culture and other peculiarities from late November till the middle of December.
Really ties the table together
The turkey takes centre stage when it comes to Thanksgiving. But that pineapple really ties the whole table together. Whoever brought it must really know a thing or two about food styling and/or is a world-weary traveller with a penchant for the tropics....
Not a Grinch™ Tree
It's a bit belated - since the (consumer capitalist) Christmas season apparently kicks off in earnest the first week of November in America these days - but we've gotta start somewhere. Ho ho ho!
But whatever you do, don't call this a Grinch™ Tree, because that'd be a trademark violation. And trademark violations are definitely not cool!
Wishing everyone a curmudgeonly Christmas....
🎶 It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas 🎶
🎶 It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
🎶 Everywhere you go
🎶 Take a look at the five and ten, it's glistening once again
🎶 With candy canes and silver lanes that glow
🎶 It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
🎶 Toys in every store
🎶 But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be
🎶 On your own front door
Fellowship of the Moon Dragon
That Aristotle chap really knew what he was talking about when he said that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Individually these two signs wouldn't really stand out, but together they form an amazing duo....
Total Recall
Only in America: When you go to the 'high-end' local supermarket chain¹ to just get two bunches of fresh coriander², but your receipt still ends up being longer than your wingspan on account of some 35 different products currently being recalled...
¹ QFC, which is now owned by Kroger, because everyone knows that the end-game of US-style 'capitalism' is to just have one or two ginormous corporations controlling every single sector of this glorious 'free market' economy of ours - kind of like how all 35 items on this massive recall list seem to include chicken that comes from one of the four companies that control the majority of the poultry industry in the the country.
² In the US, people somewhat confusingly use the Spanish 'cilantro' for fresh coriander, and reserve the English coriander exclusively for the dried coriander seeds that are used as a spice.
Here comes the fire truck
Only 21 shopping days till Christmas. And here's the perfect gift for that little aspiring firefighter in your life!
Wines of the Time
Neither of these were purchased, as there was close to 0% chance that the contents could have possibly lived up to the labels. But this excerpt from the website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints seems relevant:
"The signs of the times in our day are events that were prophesied to take place in the latter days before the Second Coming of Christ."
America, Fuck Yeah! 🇺🇲 🇺🇲 🇺🇲
The evidence is only anecdotal at this point, but it really feels like it's impossible to see this photo and not immediately have the theme song from the documentary Team America stuck in your head. Go ahead and try....
Snoqualmie Falls
Why take a photo of a majestic waterfall, when you can take a photo of people looking at said majestic waterfall?
Catch of the Day
When you go fishing with your old man, but the only thing you catch is this photo of seagull (and perhaps a cold, on account of not being properly dressed for the increasingly cold weather)....
Movie Night at the Mega Church
It's Friday in Urbansprawlandia, which means free movie night at the local neighbourhood super duper mega church - last week featuring Jim Carey as the Grinch and tonight Will Ferrell's cringey classic Elf.
Stay tuned for what's on next week. If it's the unedited version of Bad Santa or the original Die Hard, might have to crash the party. Yippee ki‐yay....
Elkspotting
When your weekend outing to see some waterfalls also includes an impromptu elk safari....
American Innovation 🇺🇲 🇺🇲 🇺🇲
America leads the world in innovation!!
American innovation: The Bikini Barista
"The exact inventor of the "bikini barista" concept is debated. The 'Natte Latte' chain's first location was opened in November 1999 by Mary Keller, in Bremerton, Washington. Its employees began sporting pink leather hotpants in 2001. Next, in 2003, 'Cowgirls Espresso' opened its first location in Tukwila, Washington.
Sexpresso drive-through stands and coffee outlets are numerous in the greater Seattle area, so much so that coffee stands that have fully clothed employees often advertise themselves as 'family friendly'."
Read more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bikini_barista
Santa's sassy little helper
Weekend holiday vibes with one of Santa's sassy little helpers.
If Hollywood ever gets around to making a terrible Americanized adaptation of the beloved French classic Amélie, this guy should be on the shortlist for the role of 'world travelling gnome'....
Be silent. Consume. Die.
Tellin’ it like it is…. #notallheroeswearcapes
Let there fog
When you end up in a cemetery while out for a stroll on a beautiful sunny morning, and just after snapping a photo of our Lord and Saviour a thick fog ominously descends and blots out the aforementioned sun....
M&C Drywall Inc
This van belongs to a local dry wall contractor, but it's amusing to consider the possibility that it also doubles as the wheels of the local chapter of Procrastinators Anonymous....
Eatin’ Good in the (Relatives’) Neighbourhood
When you invite your 79-year-old aunt and uncle from Alaska out for lunch in rural Oregon, but let them choose the restaurant....
NB: The fish and chips were quite meh, the (others') burgers looked pretty good, and the service was excellent - can't remember our server's name, but you could tell that she's a pro at dealing with moderately confused, hard of hearing old folks. Overall, a very solid 8/10 family dining experience.
A little winter reading material
This was back at Powell's in Portland a few weeks ago. Just picking up some reading for the winter. You can try, but you'll never guess what the next destination is going to be....
Dumpster Love
Spotted in an alleyway near the local Walmart.
They say it's the thought that counts, but Shawna, if you're reading this, you might wanna think twice before jumping into anything serious with the person behind this questionably placed, if presumably heartfelt, public declaration of affection. Just sayin'....
NB: This is reminiscent of being in Colombia during the big presidential election of 2022, and seeing a bunch of posters for one particular candidate stuck on all the garbage cans around town. Probably not the association that the chap running wanted to make with voters.
Oreo
Morning meditations, with Oreo the cat....
A winning ticket
Spotted earlier today in the rec room of a retirement community. It may be eight years old, but has aged like a fine wine. And the way things are going, it'll probably be relevant for the foreseeable future....
A famous Italian Christmas cake, produced in Brasil and sold at the American equivalent of Aldi on steroids*. Surprisingly not bad. Low expectations exceeded once again....
*This was at a giant WinCo. I used the phrase 'Aldi on steroids' to describe it to a European friend, so just recycled the description here.
Old friends
Spending some quality time catching with old friends from university....
Bonus points if you can name the episode
Satire or Reality?: Cemetery edition
Knowing conceptually that Americans really love their cars is one thing. But coming across sights like this in the wild is still a bit surprising to say the least.
Could probably go ahead and file these away in the 'Satire or Reality?' folder - even though we all know that the answer to that rhetorical question is gonna be 'reality' every single time....
Semper Fi
There are so many brutally honest answers to this open-ended question, yet none of them come up when you ask Uncle Google. Instead you just get a bunch of cringe-inducing pablum. That's unfortunate. Nice low-key winter sunset though!
Time for that awkward talk
They say that when you get older, roles reverse and your parents become the children in the relationship. If that's the case (and it most definitely is), then seeing something like this is akin to finding a burnt spoon - or at least a dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged - in the bedroom of an ‘90s kid.
Guess it's finally time to sit down with mom and dad and have that awkward talk about living in an oligarchy run by phoneys and psychopaths. Sigh....
Youthful Indiscretions
Everyone keeps telling me that I really need to post photos of myself if I wanna run a proper travel blog. Well, if you've been following this page for any amount of time it should be clear that I've got zero interest in running a proper travel blog.
But, that said, this is one photo I quite like. Taken in Kodiak, Alaska circa 1986. The toy is a real TEC-9, which in hindsight might not have been very age appropriate. But those were different times. Or maybe they weren't....
Leg day at Miami International
Different perspectives
From this perspective Florida looks like an angry turtle that's about to blindside a giant seahorse shaped Cuba. Which kinda seems fitting....